"Words without thoughts never to heaven go."

-William "Shake-n-bake" Shakespeare

For a long time, I’ve been unable to pinpoint exactly why I found the idea of living by favorite quotes so ridiculous. Last night, for reasons that cannot be explained, it struck me—enough that I had to get out of bed at 2:12 a.m. and blindly scribble it in silver Sharpie on the back of an envelope.

My logic is this: quotes are a means to sum up what you believe, by using someone else’s undoubtedly more eloquent prose.

If you can choose just one favorite quote, you undoubtedly are eschewing many great ideas, either by choice or bad luck.

But if you expand your list of quotes to include representations of everything you believe, you’ve missed the point of so succinctly summarizing your ideals. The clash of syntax (not to mention plain old core beliefs) between great minds of different periods offends my sensibilities as a writer devoted to forming new ideas.

My ironically poorly constructed argument originated in the depths of the Slowtwitch.com triathlon message board, wherein many users feel the need to append their signature with a quote. Thus, the most frequent posters broadcast their choice message exponentially more than trolls like me who read but rarely respond, for fear of semi-public humiliation at the hands of dudes with too much free time.

References to alcohol among posters are common. For example, In vino veritas—or, “In wine, there is truth.”

Is that Latinglish phrase the root system of his beliefs, from which all other ideas grow, nurtured by sauvignon blanc? If so, he should really consider changing his singularly boozy façade. If not, why is that his motto? Is it a combination of old-guy wisdom and youthful hipster irony?

Or take the oft-cited David Auerbach quote: “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, in water there is bacteria.”

Amusing, to be sure. But when several regular contributors use that as their signature line, you get the feeling that maybe they’ve forgotten how quotations are supposed to reveal something unique about themselves.

This painful phenomenon has been increased by Facebook. Rather than list one or ten favorite literary and academic quotes, people have taken to showcasing their mundane conversations and misunderstandings as Apatow-worthy comedy.

But these homemade quotes are like a kindergartner’s macaroni necklace: sometimes cute and endearing, but not to be worn alongside pearls. “You-had-to-be-there” humor is lost on a computer screen. And I dare say that not one of my friends is as inherently quotable as “Anchorman.”

So, I beg you, be a free thinker. Express yourself, explore your own voice. Crack open a bottle of red—maybe there is some truth in it.

Just please, please: don’t make a habit of quoting yourself, nor should you rely on store-bought quotes to tell the story of who you are.